Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

Sunday morning blues

on March 25, 2012

For months I have struggled with my blood glucose levels on weekend mornings.  Sunday is a work day for me (since I am a Children’s Director at my church), and I don’t swim on Saturdays or Sundays.  My BG always soars really out of control on Sunday mornings, and even on Saturdays, though not as high.  This has been really frustrating, to say the least. I have not been able to make it through a worship service for over a month now without having to leave because I feel like I’m going to be sick, or fall over, or I just can’t concentrate and participate because my head is so foggy and thick. I was beginning to think my desire to worship had taken a nosedive, and that made me feel even worse. I love worship – the music, singing great hymns and songs, the time of confession, praying for those in our congregation, learning from God’s Word. But mostly I love being in the presence of God and spending an hour and a half  or so with others who love Him thinking about Him, praising Him, praying, and hopefully, honoring Him.  To think that perhaps I was losing the desire to do that has left me feeling really empty.  But this morning, I finally managed to keep my BG under control (more about that later), and worship was wonderful and fresh and full of meaning.  I am so encouraged by that.  It looks like it wasn’t that my desire to worship was impaired, it’s just that when my body is really out of whack, my physical ability to worship suffers. This is a great relief to me.  To lose the love of worshiping God was something I didn’t really want to think about.

So this weekend has seen a real turn-around in my BGs in the mornings.  Honestly, it’s pretty simple.  It just takes more insulin than I had been using.  Wow, brilliant.   I don’t know why I have been so slow to increase my doses for meals, or my basal rates (the continuous small amounts of insulin that the pump delivers all day long) to cover these wild increases.  All it takes is a 20-30% increase in the basal rate to keep things normal on Saturday and Sunday mornings.  Why did it take me so long to figure this out? I think it’s rooted in pride. I don’t really want to admit that I might need more insulin. It’s like admitting some kind of weakness. Well, duh, yeah, there is a weakness! My pancreas doesn’t work!  But my pride wouldn’t let me change my insulin:carbohydrate ratio for meals, or to raise my basals, because I have some strange need to get by on as little insulin as possible.  Once I broke through that barrier, things really evened out – not just on weekends, but all the time.

It has been a good weekend.  “And do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” (Nehemiah 8:10)  I’m happy to say that the joy of the Lord is indeed my strength, for the days when things go well, and for the days when they don’t.

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