Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

Flexibility. I don’t have it.

on May 1, 2012

I always thought I was a pretty flexible person. Turns out, I’m really not.  One of the things I like the least  about diabetes is that it is totally unpredictable. I’ve mentioned this before in a blog, but it’s worth repeating – you can do the same thing two days in a row, eat the same food, dose the same amount of insulin, and you will still get two different results. One day, you are cruising along nicely at or near you goal blood glucose level, and the next day, you soar high and stick there for hours.  I really hate that. I want to be able to predict exactly what a meal is going to do to my blood glucose so I can completely control it with a dose of insulin.  HA!  I want to be able to predict what my BG is going to do after I swim, but I can’t do that either.

It also turns out that I have grown strangely attached to my insulin pump (no pun intended).  I am using a loaner pump (graciously provided by Animas to determine if there’s a problem with my own pump) for a while, and I am a little put off by wearing this foreign object, even though it is exactly the same model as my pump. It makes a slightly different sound than my pump when delivering my basal insulin.  And I am just positive that it feels different. Worst of all, it’s black, not pink.  It’s amazing what a difference that makes when I take it out and look at it. It’s a real downer.

So I’m really not very flexible.  I guess that’s something I’m going to have to learn, along with the million others things that diabetes is teaching me.  I didn’t think I was a control freak, but to some extent, I am. I’m not in control of this function of my body anymore, and I can’t imitate the system that God put in place to control my blood sugar.  That’s supremely irritating.  Even as I write this, I realize how supremely arrogant it is that I would expect to be able to do this.  So I will pray for flexibility.  And for patience when things don’t go as I expect them to.  And for God to continue to make me teachable so that not only can I figure out what it is I need to learn, but that I can actually learn it.


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