Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

That humility thing, again

on May 23, 2012

It seems that one of the lessons God is determined to teach me is humility.  It just keeps rearing its ugly head.  This time, it is in the realization that diabetes sometimes gets me in a strangle hold, and that no matter how hard I might try to fight my way out of it, or deny it, the diabetes always wins.  This past weekend was the perfect example.  I had a few things planned that I thought were going to be fun.  I ended up doing quite a bit more than I had planned, partly because things needed doing that I had committed to, and partly because I was enjoying being part of a really wonderful project at our Pastor’s home. It was a very busy three days, and they were indeed pretty fun at the time.  But, I paid for it.  My blood sugars were all over the map all weekend – sometimes predictably, sometimes randomly.  I just ignored my Dexcom most of the time, buzzing and beeping in my pocket, warning me of highs and lows to come.  I was too busy to deal with diabetes.  I just wanted to do what I wanted to do, without the interruption of dealing with whatever diabetes was dishing out.

But guess what?  That didn’t work.  Monday morning I felt just awful.  No energy.  No motivation.  Exhausted.  Emotionally spent.  That lasted well into Tuesday.  It’s only today, Wednesday, that I have really felt something like normal again.  So what’s the tie to humility?  I’m still trying to figure it out, but I think my pride is getting in the way of my figuring out how it is I’m supposed to get the most out of this new life with a chronic disease.  That sounds really pathetic when I say that out loud. But to be honest, I feel limited.  I feel cheated.  I feel a bit ticked off that I can’t just do all that I used to be able to do without thinking about it.  How does having the  limits placed on my life by diabetes fit in with living a life totally sold out to serving God?  I feel like I’m compromising by making allowances for managing my diabetes.  The need to slow down in order to maintain better control of my blood glucose seems like a cop-out. And yet, there’s last weekend, looming in my rear view mirror like a silent nightmare, warning me that if I ignore the weaknesses that diabetes imposes on me, I will pay a price.

So I am humbled to accept the weakness God is making me aware of.  I will listen to the Dexcom.  I will listen to the advice of friends who see me when I am at the bottom of my reserves, and take care of this body that God has given me, flawed as it is. I will listen to the verses that God keeps bringing to my mind:

“So to keep me from becoming conceited….a thorn was given me in the flesh…Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Does that mean I am any less sold out to serve Him?  I pray not.  I think not. But it does mean that I need to stop whining and keep trusting that His grace truly is sufficient for me, whatever limits or weaknesses I might feel.  It means getting creative in my work, finding ways to continue to do what the Lord calls me to do without harming the body He has given me the responsibility to care for.  For what He calls me to do, He has equipped me for, and He will accomplish.  And it means putting on humility, that I am not sufficient in myself for this journey.  The power of Christ rests on me, thanks be to God.

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3 responses to “That humility thing, again

  1. Pam Dollard says:

    Good post, Colleen. Limits are an essential part of being human, aren’t they?

  2. Marianne Lord says:

    Colleen, I’ve been reading your posts and love your writing style and your insights. I’m sorry that this illness has entered your life but I appreciate the blogging that you are doing which can translate to general issues for everyone. Take care – keep the faith. Marianne

    • Colleen says:

      Thanks Marianne! I really appreciate your encouragement. I need to re-read this post today – rough morning so far, and slow to bounce back. But, His grace is sufficient, His grace is sufficient, His grace…you get the idea. Lunch sometime? I’d love to catch up 🙂

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