Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

Sunday’s comin’!

I realize that I have posted several times about Sundays lately, but it seems like Sunday looms large in my diabetes world.  This has been a real up and down week.  It started off terrible, with high blood sugars that I couldn’t explain or get rid of.  I did some tweaking of my basals and boluses and things are better, with an incredibly good Wednesday (see “A most welcome miracle”), and a so-so ending to the week.  I think that the incredible increase in insulin sensitivity that I saw when I first started doing strength training is leveling off now, and might account for last weekend’s wackiness.  When I saw that, I thought about the fact that diabetes really requires that you take a long term view of your life, not a snapshot view.  When I was caught up in the snapshot view earlier in the week, I got discouraged, whiney and just generally felt sorry for myself.  Now that I can look back at it, and see some possible reasons for what happened, I feel chagrined by my neediness and lack of ability to see the way out.

So, back to Sundays. Maybe I need to take that longer term view of Sundays too. Sunday only comes once a week (now there’s a profound statement), so I don’t really get the chance to see it as part of a bigger picture unless I really try. I think maybe I need to try. I’m guessing that Sundays now are better than Sundays a year ago.  Wait, stop. I can’t believe that I have had this disease for long enough to say that.  *Sigh*  Perhaps that’s a topic for another post. Soon.   OK, back on topic.  So probably things have gotten better.  I do remember that I felt pretty awful almost every Sunday for quite a while. Now I don’t usually feel that bad (though it does happen), but I still struggle with going higher than I do most mornings and not coming down as easily.

It’s hard to take that long term view when you are in the middle of a frustrating high or low, or in the middle of what seem like endless days of highs or lows.  First of all, my brain just doesn’t work as well when it’s bathed in sugar, or starving for it.  But too, I just want to know the solution and for the solution to work NOW.  Not next week, not next month. NOW.  I can hear Betty saying (as she did during a recent visit in her office) “Just give it time to come down – it doesn’t happen that fast!”.  She was right of course, my high (after a strength training workout) did indeed come down, just not as quickly as I would have liked. And lows go up, but not as quickly as I’d like.  So the long term view requires patience and a willingness to look at what’s happening as something bigger than the moment. I don’t think I’m very good at that.  Maybe I should learn from Nehemiah, since we are studying that book this year in the Bible study I co-teach.  He faced all kinds of opposition but he took the long term view that what he was doing in rebuilding the walls was more important than getting caught up in squabbles with his enemies.

So perhaps I’ll spend some quality time looking over past data from my pump and from Jiminy tonight, in hopes of making sense of Sundays, or at least seeing that indeed, things are better now than they were a year ago.  And I’ll remember Nehemiah, who also knew the most important thing of all – that God was bigger than anything he was dealing with, and in Him lies the strength to tackle it all.

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A most welcome miracle!

   All too often, I only post when things go wrong.  Today, things went VERY right.  Today was our first day of Joyful Noise, our church’s choir school program.  We have close to 50 children, ages 4-12, for an hour of choir, music theory, handbells and a Bible lesson.  I’m the Bible lesson teacher, and because I’m the Children’s Director at church, I’m in charge of the whole program.  This year I have the privilege (!) of having the 4-6 year olds for 25 minutes of that hour.  I have never felt that I have the gift of teaching preschoolers, so I was  a bit nervous about how this was going to go.

Add to this that last year I struggled almost every week trying to keep my blood sugar from plummeting during Joyful Noise. It is a high energy hour, filled with teaching with enthusiasm, moving from room to room quickly, and doing justice to the incredible Truth that we are trying to communicate about worship and God whom we worship.  So this was an incredible blessing to me today. Every time I pulled Jiminy out of my pocket, I saw this flat line and just wanted to shout for joy!  A joyful noise indeed!  This was especially sweet since I have been having unexplainable highs for days up until today.  All the work of managing this glorious mess called diabetes is worth it on days like this.  If I can just remember this on those days when it isn’t going so well……

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All I have needed……

It’s Sunday again. This Sunday was a bit better than last, in that I didn’t feel awful.  I don’t take that lightly and am grateful.  But my blood sugar still soared into the upper 200s and took it’s own sweet (!) time coming down to somewhere near normal.  I tried a new strategy this morning in hopes of avoiding this trend, but it clearly didn’t work. I even worked out in the fitness center yesterday in hopes that perhaps working out on Saturday would help my blood sugars stay more in line on Sunday.  Yeah, well, the workout felt great, but it didn’t do what I hoped.  I guess a good workout is never wasted though….

So I was feeling a little sorry for myself in church with this really high blood sugar bugging me.  We had just learned in our excellent Sunday School class on Job that when we try to interpret all of life from our point of view, believing we are the center of the universe, it results in pain and frustration in our lives.  Our lives and any suffering we have (as Job did) may have a design and purpose far beyond our comprehension.  We will never be content or satisfied until we recognize that God is the center of the universe and has designed our life to fit exactly within His wise plan.  I was just beginning to absorb this when we began singing one of my favorite hymns, Great is Thy Faithfulness.  One line, in the chorus, (it was repeated 3 times in case I missed it the first 2 times!) really struck me.

Great is thy faithfulness, great is thy faithfulness

Morning by morning new mercies I see,

All I have needed thy hand hath provided,

Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.

All I have needed. Huh.  Not all I have wanted.  Kind of changes my perspective. What I want is to understand why this happens on Sundays and what I have to do to make it NOT happen.  Do I trust God to know what I need?  I certainly know that He has provided far more than I actually need in my life. So in terms of my diabetes, do I trust that He has given me all that I need to cope with soaring blood sugars on Sunday mornings? Or plunging blood sugars while I’m teaching Bible study?  Or scary low blood sugars in the middle of the night (51 last night at 2am, and I felt really shaky and clammy – not fun in the middle of the night)?  All I have needed thy hand hath provided.  Yes, I believe that. And so I will not rant and rave at my Sunday morning blood sugar patterns, but will accept that I have all I need to deal with it and maybe even eventually solve them. (My friend  and CDE Betty is smiling about now, as she has told me this before.)  I do not see the big picture as God does, and I do believe that He has a wise plan not just for me but for all of His creation, and I can’t always see how I fit into that design. So I will trust that He can see that design and is using all of my life – even the hard parts, like diabetes – to accomplish a bigger purpose in His plan. Knowing this really helped me today to cope without my usual frustration and emotion. And eventually, the blood sugars did resolve.

Great is thy faithfulness is still one of my favorite hymns. Now I will sing it more thoughtfully. And probably more joyously!

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