Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

So it really isn’t all about me?

on February 3, 2013

Several profound realizations (well, profound to me, you can decide whether they are profound for you) hit me this morning.  One is diabetes related, the rest are direct results of being at church.

First, don’t test BG without washing your hands.  I know this and can hear Betty sighing now.  I tested during Sunday School and saw 244.  Kind of surprising, but it is Sunday, so nothing really surprises me.  I dosed for it, and settled back in to enjoy the rest of the teaching (more about that in a minute).  After class was over, I headed for the bathroom (i.e., the women’s socializing station) and decided to test again, just to be sure.  160. Uh oh.  I now had enough insulin on board to get to about, oh, 60 or lower.  Huh.  I decided to take a wait and see approach to the problem, and in God’s gracious providence, I stayed above 100 most of the worship service, and only dropped to 80 by the time I got home. No idea why, just grateful.

Sunday School was on the Gospel in the Gospels.  Great teaching, with several ‘ah ha’ moments (thanks Steve!).  Overall, I was challenged to enlarge my vision of the Gospel, to see it as more than a formula to be applied for our salvation.  It is really God’s work in the world throughout history to restore His Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.  I was also challenged not to try to make parts of the Bible what they are not – not to try to force the 4 Gospels into one mold, telling one uniform story.  I’m not sure why we try to do that – we get that all of Paul’s letters are unique, written for a different purpose to a different audience and so with different messages.  So it is with the Gospels and Steve whetted my appetite to read through each of the 4 Gospels in one sitting to get the overall flavor and sense of each one in a way that reading it chapter by chapter doesn’t give.

With this appreciation for the power of Scripture I went to worship.  The first songs in the service drove a powerful message home to me that Steve had first introduced in Sunday School.  It’s all about God, not you, Colleen.  I was no doubt prepared for this message to sink in with the help of an article I read this weekend where the healing of the man blind from birth was discussed. After his healing, people asked “Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus’ answer was “None of the above” (my paraphrase), but he was blind so that his healing by Jesus at the perfect time would show His identity as the Son of God and our Savior.  Wow.  To be chosen to be a partner in the revelation of the Savior to the world.  Is that what suffering is really all about? Paul seems to think so, and extols the value of suffering in a number of his epistles.  I don’t think I have ever really grasped this until this morning, when a song drove it home. Ah, the power of music.

I have the potential to demonstrate the identity of Christ, the glory of God through my ‘suffering’.  I put ‘suffering’ in quotes, because while diabetes is a nuisance and sometimes does indeed affect my physical well-being, it’s hard to consider it true suffering when I think about what others go through. But it is the thorn in the flesh that God has entrusted to me.  I’ve written about this before, but it holds a new meaning for me today, and a genuine shift in my thinking.  It’s not about me and keeping my A1C in range, or having lovely flat in-range lines on my G4, or any of the other stuff that defines ‘success’ in managing diabetes.  It’s about God, and how I choose to use the experience of this disease to bring Him glory.  I’m sure I will still whine and have times when I feel awful, but my whole way of thinking has changed.   I don’t really know what it means yet. I’ll have to let you know how this works out in real life.  At the least, I hope it will show in my attitudes to the challenges of diabetes, turning my self-pity into times of reliance on the God who is there for me.

One last ‘ah ha’ moment.  It is that worship together with other believers is crucial.  I need their encouragement. I need to hear the hymns, the songs, the words spoken and prayed.  I need to hear the babies crying and babbling and cooing around me, as a very real reminder of this multi-generational community of believers.  I need the bread and the wine.  I need to be lifted out of this world for a short time on Sunday mornings to stand in the throne room of the King.

This is a long post.  I’ll stop now. But I had to get it all down before it slips away.  Though, I really hope these things stick with me for a very long time.

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2 responses to “So it really isn’t all about me?

  1. Christy says:

    Mmmm, convicting. I used Silas as an excuse to skip most of church today, mostly because I was in a bad mood and I just didn’t want to go. Be with people. Face the possibility of being lifted out of my funk. But I knew it was wrong even as I paced the hallway. Fail.

    • Colleen says:

      Not a fail. Just a bad day. I’m sure I’ve got more of those in my future. But I did really appreciate the value of worship in a whole new way. Hope the day got better…..

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