Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

Weariness

Tired.  I’ve been tired a lot lately.  I don’t know why really, except that life has been busy and some nights are interrupted frequently by a buzzing Dexcom. Buzzing lows, buzzing highs, whatever.  It’s annoying, really.  I know it’s for my good, but at 2 am I’m not really interested in what’s good for me. I’d really rather have an uninterrupted night of sleep.

Being tired is not something I have dealt with much.  At least not like this.  It makes it more likely that I will start feeling very sorry for myself.  I keep seeing on other blogs and websites how diabetes is a 24/7/365 job.  It’s true, and it helps to know I’m not alone in all of the attention this disease requires of me.  But it is also discouraging, because when I’m weary, the last thing I want to do is deal with the big D.

So what is the remedy?  As always, God managed to find a way to teach me what I needed to know.  I was working on a Bible study on 1 Samuel this afternoon.  David is trying to escape from the murderous Saul, and spends a lot of time and energy traveling around trying to keep one step ahead of him.  There are a number of Psalms that David wrote during this time.  His example of confidence in God expressed in these Psalms shook me up.  In Psalm 56, David simply pours his heart out to God. He tells Him how he feels, how distressed he is.  Then he recites what he knows to be true about God.  It seems like this revives David.  Then in Psalm 34, we see him rejoicing in God who has delivered Him and who is good.  David knew His God and He knew He could count on Him in all circumstances.  In good times and certainly in bad times.  Now I’m not running from someone who wants to kill me, but I often want to run away from diabetes.  Instead I need to run into the arms of the One who can give me the strength to deal with it.  I need to remember, as David did, who God is.  I need to fill my mind with thoughts of God rather than thoughts of self-pity.  It’s still Lent – today is Maundy Thursday, tomorrow is Good Friday and Easter is just around the corner. What better time to renew my commitment to replacing discouragement with hope and strength in God?

 

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A day of hope and health indeed!

This afternoon I attended my first JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation) event – an expo that highlighted a lot of different aspects of life with type 1 diabetes. It was appropriately called A Day of Health and Hope. It was so worthwhile.  I learned a lot, which is always fun for me.  I got a peek at what’s happening in the research that JDRF funds and it’s so exciting!  They work on T1D from three points of view: Prevent,Treat, Cure.  The Treat and Cure parts I totally get.  And I’m so happy they are working hard on both of those. It was the Prevent part that really surprised me.  How cool to think that some day (for I have confidence in the perseverance and talent of the researchers out there) there will be a way to actually prevent people from developing this disease.  At this time, it seems as improbable as having an insulin pump the size of mine was to people 25 years ago. So I’m not counting anything out!  Of course my researcher brain kicked in for all of this and it really fed the beast.  Kinda made me want to get back into a lab somewhere. Kinda. Not enough to do anything about it though.

So as good as the content of the expo was, I came away with a lot more motivation than seemed justified by what I heard.  I’ve been thinking about that since I got home and it came to me a few minutes ago.  What motivated me wasn’t so much the content of what I heard (though the exercise session alone was incredibly helpful), it was the fact that here were a bunch of T1Ds coming together to learn and problem-solve, and a bunch of health-care professionals and researchers who are working diligently to make our lives better and easier to manage.  I’M NOT ALONE.  This isn’t news, but occasionally it really helps to sit with people who GET IT.  People who live with T1D 24/7/365.  People who have roller coaster days (or nights) despite their best efforts not to.  People who share my frustration, my occasional thoughts of “It’s not fair!”, and my joy in small (!) victories over diabetes.  I have an incredible support system, as I have said here before, from family, my doc and CDE, and friends. But it really does help to rub shoulders and share stories with other diabetics.  Turns out there’s nothing like it.  So thanks JDRF.  I’ll be back for more, and maybe I’ll jump off the cliff and join in your great work.

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A pump with a conscience?

I’m becoming convinced that my Animas Ping insulin pump has a conscience.  It seems like everytime I “cheat” as a diabetic (that means eating something I feel guilty about, since really, nothing is off limits with an insulin pump…..but not everything is a good idea…..) something about the delivery of insulin from the pump into my body malfunctions. Last night is the perfect example.  I brought home some leftover chocolate Texas sheet cake from a fundraising dinner at school on Friday night.  Now, since I had made this cake and really do LOVE Texas sheet cake, I gave in to my craving and had a piece last night, pretty late in the evening (which I know from plenty of experience is a bad idea).  I dosed generously for this lovely treat and went off to bed a while later comfortably unconcerned about my blood glucose levels overnight. Just to be on the safe side, I bumped up my basal rate a bit for a couple of hours to cover anything I might have missed.  So, being woken up at 2:30 with a BG of 222 was NOT something I was happy about.  But, I dosed for it and stumbled back to bed.  Jiminy chirped enough that I finally woke again at 4:30.  249. WHAT? No way.  Dosed again.  Realized that most of the dose was ending up on the sticky patch around my infusion site, NOT in my body.  Really, at 4:30 AM I’m gonna have to put in a new infusion site? grumble, grumble, fumble fumble, SNAP, infusion site in and I’m heading back to bed again.  6:30 rolls around.  I look at Jiminy, it says something like 179, but is coming back UP after having gone down to only  about 150.  So I’m still playing catch-up from all the insulin that didn’t get delivered overnight.  And it’s Sunday. Yeah, this is going to be a fun morning.

Things did get better, though I was a bit higher than I’d like after breakfast. But I came down pretty nicely, and even dropped a bit low by the end of the worship service.  Communion had the lovely effect of not only being a  meaningful spiritual time but also kicking my BG up a bit to get me through until lunch.  Hurray for grape juice! (Is that too irreverent? God can work in wonderful and unusual ways…..)

This is not the first time something like this has happened, that I eat something I know I shouldn’t and my BG goes really high due to some technological glitch.  I’m beginning to think Animas programmed that into the pump.  Maybe there’s some kind of sniff sensor, or I give off some kind of electrical charge when I’m getting ready to eat something diabetically inappropriate.  Yeah, I know, I sound like one of those weird conspiracy theorists who see a  plot behind every bush.  Whatever the reason, it does make me think twice about eating some things, and usually I decline, thinking that somehow my pump KNOWS and will make me pay………..

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