Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

Worst. Low. Ever.

on May 3, 2013

Wednesday was probably the scariest day I have had since being diagnosed with LADA.  In mid-afternoon, I had a lovely Vanilla Creme frozen drink from a coffee shop. Delicious.  And it was particularly nice since I was starting to go low anyway, so this was a great (and also incredibly indulgent) way to treat it.  Everything was fine until about an hour later.  I was fixing dinner and could tell my BG was taking a nose-dive, but that irrational compulsion to finish what I was doing before taking action took over.  So when I did finally eat something and lie down, I could tell I was in trouble. My CGM showed 42 with a straight down arrow (which tells me that it was still falling at a reasonably fast rate).  All I could do now was wait.   I crashed on the couch and woke up a half hour later. I don’t know if I just fell asleep that fast or passed out.  Whatever happened, when I woke up, I was still only at 45 and feeling pretty woozy.  But at least my BG was heading up at that point. My husband came home about then and could see that I wasn’t doing well. He helped get dinner on the table and eating (fortunately, I had made pasta for dinner!) really helped get me back to some healthy numbers.

I had to go to Bible study after dinner. It took all of my willpower to go – really all I wanted to do was to curl up in a ball and turn off the lights.  The aftermath of this severe low (I don’t really know how low I got – I don’t think I want to know) lasted hours, and even the next day I was a little shaky.  That might have been mostly emotional. This incident shook me up.  Like a magnitude 10 earthquake shaking up.  This was the first time diabetes has scared me.  I realized that this disease is dangerous, and that if I get things wrong (like I had, apparently), the consequences are dire.  I don’t like being afraid of something, but I’m afraid of diabetes now, and afraid of going that low again.

The good news is that I’m ok, and that I have people around me who are watching out for me.  This was a weird , hopefully one time, incident. I think I can trace it back to the frozen drink, which I have learned is often a difficult thing to dose for accurately.  I’ll be staying away from those from now on.  But I am also looking for ways to decrease the likelihood of going low as often as I have been.  While the lows haven’t been as serious as below 40, I still have been going low as much as a few times each day, even if only for a short time.  It does impair my ability to live my life as I would like, and I’m pretty sure it isn’t good for my body for my BG to go low so often. So I have dialed back my basal insulin rates and that is helping.  And I need to wrap my mind around the idea that maybe I’m not going to be able to control my BG as tightly as I would like.

And that is really the issue here. I want control.  I learned this week that the kind of control that I want comes with risks.  I need to learn to let go of my stubborn refusal to treat a low BG before it goes too far.  And I need to settle for some higher BGs from time to time, and be patient when my BG doesn’t come down as quickly as I’d like.  That might mean that my A1C might be higher than I would like.  That’s going to batter my pride.

That’s a lot to work on.  But I’m scared now. Maybe that will be the motivation I’ve been needing.

And a HUGE thank you to Betty who said some things to me that needed to be said.  Please keep doing that.

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