Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

Roller coaster ride

on May 12, 2013

At the Baccalaureate service at our church tonight, the charge to our students was from Joshua 24:15-16.  As Isaac talked to our seniors (one of whom was my son), he mentioned that the Israelites often prayed to other gods in addition to God, since they often adopted the customs of the people around them.  Though we don’t carry around wooden statues in our pockets to pull out and worship, we too have idols that we cater to – academic success, popularity, career advancement.  This means we are always trying to live up to some standard imposed by someone else, and depending on the success of that endeavor, or lack thereof, it can lead to a roller coaster life of riding up the hill of effort and down the slide of dissatisfaction or disillusionment when the hoped-for reward from that idol does not fulfill our desires.  Hopefully you get the idea, since I’m doing a pretty lousy job of summarizing.  You have to cut me a little slack – during this entire charge to our graduates, I was trying really hard not to cry.

But even with the emotional state I was in, I was able to see a parallel to diabetes (yes, really).  I ride a roller coaster of blood sugar almost every day.  The ups and downs from exercise, meals and just life in general often look like a roller coaster on my CGM.  The trick is not to let my emotions ride that roller coaster.  Do I feel like a success when my BG number is in range and a failure when it isn’t?  When my BG goes up and up and up after pizza (yes, that happened today) despite what I thought was an adequate dose of insulin (really, a ridiculously high dose of insulin, which still didn’t work), does my sense of self-worth or confidence plummet?  Unfortunately, the answer to those questions all too often is yes. Anger, impatience, frustration – these emotions are right there, ready to jump out and sabotage my day.  My emotions ride a roller coaster based on my self-imposed standards of success, and when I ‘fail’, I am quick to beat myself up.

So, just as Joshua charged the Israelites to look around at the other gods of the nations around them and then to choose who they would serve, I have a choice as well.  Will I choose my own idol of ‘success’, based on how well I manage diabetes, or will I choose to worship the God who created me, faulty pancreas and all?  I, like Joshua, will choose the Lord.  All the other options are miserable and hopeless by comparison.  He is faithful. His mercies are new every morning.  His love NEVER fails.  And He can even out those dreaded hills and valleys of the roller coaster that I cannot control.  I just need to trust and rest. In Him.  He can even out my emotions far better than any diabetes management program (if there was such a thing) ever could.

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