Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

Just another manic Sunday

on June 9, 2013

With apologies to The Bangles, it was an epic Sunday blood sugar-wise.  Hit 300 around 10:00 and it took a couple of rage boluses to start it nudging downwards.  So the thick headedness, nausea and general malaise took over for the rest of the morning at church. Not the way I want to feel on Sunday mornings, and it means that everything takes that much more effort to do, from talking with friends to problem-solving with trustees.  But there were encouraging words along the way, and my body has decided to respond to insulinIMG_2104 again and so I’m off and running again.  Or at least I will be after the recovery period is over.

This week I have done a lot of thinking about humility.  It came up in a discussion about something totally unrelated to diabetes, or my personal life in general, but it has haunted me (is that ok for a  Christian to say?) all week.  Diabetes humbles me, because I do not have complete control over what my body is going to do on any given day.  Today is the perfect example.  The past few Sundays have been relatively ok, even last Sunday when my parents and our daughter were here for the weekend festivities of our son’s high school graduation.  You would think my blood sugar would go bezerk making sure everyone was where they needed to be (a topic for another post, or maybe not….).  But it was amazingly stable.  Today, on the other hand, was one of those rare Sundays when I really didn’t have any major job responsibilities so I figured things would be ‘normal’.  So when I checked Jiminy at about 9:30 and saw that I was headed up (straight up) I was surprised.  Sure enough, it kept going up I started feeling worse and worse. I have no explanation, other than I did a lot of standing around, which usually means I’m going to go high.  I don’t  know why, it just happens.

Thus the humility imposed by diabetes. I don’t know why a lot of things happen. I don’t know why infusion sites stop working. I don’t know why swimming affects me differently two days in a row.  I don’t know why I crave foods that I know will sabotage my blood sugar.  I don’t know why I have to carb up just to run a few errands. I don’t like not knowing these things. I want answers and I want my blood sugar to behave the same way tomorrow that it did today.  I can hear the blood sugar fairy laughing maniacally. That is NOT going to happen.

I need to learn to live without that kind of control and without answers.  I’m not doing particularly well with that this week. But there is one answer I do know.  I know that I need to remember Who formed my body and Who is in really in control.  I need to remember that He loves me and He is not distant from my struggles.  He sees me when I feel horrible during a worship service and accepts my meager worship as I can give it.  He hears me when I rant about my lack of control just as He heard David and Moses and Abraham.  And He is there to comfort and strengthen and pick me back up to start over again.  Psalm 139 is a great comfort and encouragement.  “Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?”  There is no place where I am apart from His presence, whether at 50 or 350.  When I feel most frustrated or alone or  hopeless (and there have been those moments this week) about diabetes, I need to hear those words echoing in my heart.

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