Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

My least favorite question

on June 30, 2013

I know, this is the third post this week. Don’t get used to it.  I just have a lot to say right now.

I figured out my least favorite diabetes question this morning.  It’s hard to say this because it comes from people who I know genuinely care about me and how I’m doing, but the question actually makes me feel worse, and there isn’t a good answer to it.  Here it is:  Are you getting better?

The quick and dirty answer to that is, well of course not, type 1 diabetes doesn’t get better.  Once those beta cells are gone, they are gone (reverse vaccine notwithstanding-it’s only in trial phases and is a long way from reality for most of us!).  So I’m not going to get better.  I understand that those who ask this  question probably mean to ask if I am feeling better, or doing better at keeping my blood glucose steady.  The answer to that one is decidedly difficult too, because it makes me admit that no, I am NOT getting better at controlling my blood sugar because it will never be completely controllable by anyone, even though I am doing the best I can.  My pump and CGM are amazing, and my medical team is incredibly helpful and sympathetic, but we all know that there is no way anyone can ever reproduce what my body is supposed to do on its own.  I cannot think like a pancreas perfectly.  I’ve said before here on my blog that I can do the same thing two days in a row and get opposite results.  Every Sunday is a total gamble (forgive the metaphor) since I have no idea what my blood glucose is going to do on any given Sunday morning.  I don’t think that my Sunday mornings are overly stressful (although I have no idea why this morning, for example, everyone felt that I needed to know that the building was too warm and could I fix that?) or unpredictable, but nonetheless, I never know if I’m going to end up high or low (rarely does a Sunday morning go along with lovely, steady blood glucose).

So, that’s it. My least favorite question.  What’s the right question to ask?  That’s a good question. It’s ok to ask “How do you feel?”, as long as you really want an honest answer.  Because I’m getting better at answering that question honestly.  You may see me first thing on a Sunday morning doing great, but by the end of the morning, or even an hour later, I’m beaten down by a horrendous high, or a sneaky low (that happened this morning – cruised along beautifully until about 10:15 when things turned south, FAST).  So my answer may be different every time you ask.  I may tell you I’m feeling great, or that I am low, or high, or frustrated.  My answer today will be different than my answer a week from now too.  So hang in there with me.  Diabetes doesn’t get better, or easier, or go away.  I guess that’s the lesson here – the condition of diabetes doesn’t change. Once you’ve got it, you’ve got it and it’s not going away (no, cinnamon doesn’t cure it).  I am just better some days at coping with it.  And that’s only by the grace of God.

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