Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

Life is complicated

on October 13, 2013

I’ve taken my title from a line in an email to a friend.  I was telling her about some thinking and praying I’ve been doing since Friday about my life and work and diabetes.  The three things are intertwined very tightly and lately, the diabetes part has been overshadowing the other two parts.  I feel like there have been more and more days when I have not been able to function well because of wildly swinging blood glucose levels.  This has made me realize that I really need to do something differently.  I can’t change the diabetes part. That’s here for good.  (That was another realization that hit me squarely between the eyes this week.  It didn’t feel good, either.) So something else has to give.

I love my job. I love the people I work with on the church staff. I have so much respect for them all. They are amazing people, who love God and the church and the people in our church.  They are smart and wise (not the same thing) and funny and serious when they need to be.  I love where we work – it’s beautiful in all seasons, but especially in the fall.  I love the families I get to serve in my job and the volunteers who make my ministry actually work and who are so generous with their time and talents.  So trying to look objectively at my job and figure out how to make changes in what I do is hard.  I do know I am not indispensable. I was gone on sabbatical with our family a few years back and they did just fine without me, thank you very much.  But I love what I do. All of it (well, most days). So ‘giving up’ parts of it will be hard for me.  Selfish, isn’t it?  Anyway, I spent most of Friday morning wrestling over this, praying, thinking, reading and writing and God has been very good at bringing me new perspective and resolve to make the needed changes.

Today, I have been thinking about what it is about diabetes that makes all of this necessary. There is the day to day management stuff, like keeping my pump full of insulin, testing, dosing, counting carbs, and making sure I have the supplies I need. That’s one part of the story. The other part is the brain power that this disease uses up.  I can’t do anything spontaneously anymore, really. I have to think through the diabetes ramifications of almost everything – meals, running errands, putting on some kind of ministry event, or even sitting quietly to read or study for a few hours. All of these things (really, everything in life) require me to calculate if my current blood glucose level is what it needs to be to carry out the task, or if I will need to eat something or dose with insulin to make sure I stay in a good range for whatever it is I’m doing.  For example, I can’t just work right up until I realize I’m starving, grab my lunch from the frig and eat. Ideally, I should test and dose 15-20 minutes before lunch so that the bump in blood sugar from lunch and the peak of insulin action match.  Another example –  I can’t seem to go to Sam’s Club without my blood sugar tanking.  It doesn’t matter what my bg is when I go in, it will plunge at some point so that pretty much every time I go through the line, I’m low.  These two examples are the biggies but almost everything I do requires some conscious thought as to how it will affect my blood sugar.  I realize not all diabetics probably go through such mental acrobatics as I do, and maybe it’s because I’m relatively new to all of this.  Or, perhaps it’s just my need as a closet control freak to do all that I can to make my bg behave as I want it to.  Whatever the reason, I use up a lot of thinking time (and energy) everyday thinking about diabetes, when I would rather be thinking about my job, my family or pretty much anything else.

So, change will happen.  I’m getting to the point of becoming excited to see what God is going to do. Who will He show me is right for the tasks?  How will my work and life change as a result of freeing up some time and energy?  Will diabetes take a back seat for a change?

I’m ready.  Let’s see what happens next………

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