Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

A Breakthrough

on November 17, 2013

This morning as I sat in church, I felt Jiminy (my Dexcom CGM) buzzing me that I was over 200.  Right. Just what I wanted to know. But I found myself amazingly calm about it, pulling out my meter, checking to confirm that indeed Jiminy wasn’t imagining things (indeed, it was 248….).  I was still calm as I reached for my pump, dialed in the numbers to deal with this high blood glucose number and then just went back to the hymn we were singing.

Now, that might not sound like a big deal to any of you.  Isn’t that just what you do to deal with diabetes all the time? Well, yes and no.  The difference in this scenario wasn’t my actions, it was my reaction. I did not find myself yelling internally “HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING DIFFERENTLY THAN I DID LAST WEEK AND LAST WEEK I WAS FINE!!! I’M TRYING TO WORSHIP, AND I DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THIS!” or other such things.  I just dealt with the number and moved on.  That’s what other diabetics tell you to do when they write advice to new diabetics, and it’s what a good doctor or diabetic educator will tell you to do, but most of us know that it is NOT what we do all the time. We will eventually deal with the number, but not without some kind of hissy fit beforehand outwardly (I have been known to yell at my meter when at home) or inwardly.

This represents something big in my life, I think. I might be wrong, but as I look back on the last week or two, I think I see a pattern of getting less emotionally involved with the numbers on my Dexcom or meter.  I think the best way to describe it is that I don’t feel at war with diabetes.  Every high blood glucose reading isn’t a battle.  Every low isn’t a defeat. They really are data, and I have the ability to deal with it and move on without getting emotionally invested in it. I still try to figure out what led to the number, but it isn’t accusatory anymore.  At least for now.

I don’t really know why this has happened. Except that of course I have been praying for a better attitude toward diabetes and others have been praying for me.  I have to say though that it feels really good, and really hopeful, to have had this breakthrough.  My prayer now is that it will be a real change and not just some temporary lull in the action.  I’m in this for the long haul, since diabetes isn’t something that ‘gets better’ (see my next post for more about this).  And wasting that much emotional energy on something that simply is not going to go away is not a good way to live.  Thank you Lord, for the grace that has come from you in this.  I know it didn’t come from me.

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