Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

The end of another year

on December 30, 2013
I couldn't resist showing off my sock and a half!

I couldn’t resist showing off my sock and a half!

As I sat here knitting the second sock in a pair of really cool looking striped socks, it occurred to me that perhaps I should do some reflecting about this past year with diabetes.  It certainly has been a year of ups and downs.  Blood glucose ups and downs, emotional ups and downs and spiritual ups and downs.  When I think about it all, it just makes me tired. Which, come to think of it, characterizes how I have felt much of this year – tired. I’m not complaining. I don’t mind tired.  Tired means I have worked hard at something, and perhaps even accomplished something worthwhile.

The ups and downs of blood glucose are something I realize I am just going to have to live with for the rest of my life. (This is not a particularly encouraging thought, by the way.)  While in general, my management of diabetes is pretty good (as measured by my A1C levels, anyway), there are still plenty of ups and downs that mess with my mind and body.  The past couple of weeks have been good examples of this.  For about a week or two earlier in December, my BG was running quite low almost all the time.  I had to set my insulin pump to deliver less insulin all day long, as well as to lower other settings for the amount of insulin I took for meals.  This seemed to come on very suddenly, and I admit, I whined about it a lot.  Going low two or three times a day was really messing with my life.  After a little less than a week of this, things seemed to go back to normal. And now, as if to convince me that I really am NOT in control of this disease, I am running high most of the time. I have restored all my pump settings to what they were before the run of lows, and try hard not to give in to the desire to rage bolus my way out of the highs.

This brings me to the emotional highs and lows of the year.  Despite what I just said in the previous paragraph, I do think I have made progress this year on bringing some stability to my emotions related to diabetes.  I still get frustrated, but the  swings are not quite as wild.  A lot of this is due to great advice and support, and encouragement to take a rational view of what is going on rather than considering every unpredictable swing in my blood sugar as my fault.  I am so thankful that I do not have to deal with this disease on my own.  I’d be a mess.

Spiritually it has been a rich year.  Not all of it has been pleasant or easy, but I can truly look back and see that the Lord has taught me some important lessons about patience and forbearance and reliance on Him that I could only have learned by dealing with some hard things. I also realize that my life is still incredibly blessed, and that my having to deal with diabetes, as consuming as it may be, is nothing compared to what many people have to deal with.  I have grown to love the Scriptures and the truths of the gospel more deeply, maybe because I come to the end of my own strength on a regular basis these days.

So at the end of 2013, I still wish I had never heard a diagnosis of diabetes, or learned more than I ever wanted to know about insulin pumps, continuous glucose monitors and other diabetes related technology and treatment.  But I wouldn’t trade the things that have come along with that diagnosis – the lessons learned, the friendships that have developed because of it, the relationships that have deepened as a result of my sharing this journey, and the love that I have felt from God, family members and friends through it all – these are all precious to me.  If you have been part of that, thank you.  All of this makes me look forward to 2014, knowing that it probably won’t go the way I always want it to, but it WILL go in the way

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4 responses to “The end of another year

  1. Karen says:

    Happy New Year and here’s hoping for a great 2014!! And those fabulous socks are a great start. 🙂 What yarn is that?

    • Colleen says:

      It’s Paton’s Kroy Sock yarn. I really like it. I finished up those socks and am on to the next pair, using some lovely Opal Sockenwolle from Germany. Since I learned to knit in Germany (and follow directions in German!), it’s fun to go back to my ‘roots’. Happy New Year to you too! Happy knitting! (and I’d much rather talk about knitting than diabetes 🙂

      • Karen says:

        Oooooooo!!! I have a bunch of Sockenwolle in my stash, but haven’t knit with it yet. I don’t think I have any Kroy, so it’s good to know you liked it. And how cool that you can knit in German!! 😉

      • Colleen says:

        I’m wearing the Kroy socks today for the first time. Very warm (it’s 10 degrees outside)but not overly soft. I think the German sockenwolle will be softer. I had found a yarn at Michael’s that is a really soft mix of cashmere and merino but I can’t find it anymore. Bummer. I’m always on the lookout for soft sock yarn!

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