Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

Transparent

on February 19, 2014

This has been a really tough week.  Blood sugars have been higher than I would like, and really, really high at times.  Some of it has been my fault, some of it has been unexplainable.  And just to frustrate me a bit more, my Dexcom is now buzzing that I am low, shortly after eating dinner.

I want to be done with diabetes.  I am tired, weak, headachy, on the edge of tears (and have given in to them several times today), and now am starting to feel the symptoms of low blood sugar.  I should be talking to myself in much healthier ways, reminding myself that God’s strength is mine, and that He is sufficient for these feelings of complete inadequacy.  If I were counseling myself, I would tell me that I am making an idol of perfect management of diabetes and need to give it up.

I listened to one of my favorite Keith and Kristyn Getty hymns on the way home this evening, and need to keep the words in my head:

My heart is filled with thankfulness 
To Him who walks beside, 
Who floods my weaknesses with strength 
And causes fears to fly, 
Whose every promise is enough 
For every step I take, 
Sustaining me with arms of love, 
And crowning me with grace.*
Is every promise enough for every step I take? Today it hasn’t been. And it’s not His fault.  It’s my unwillingness to give up wallowing in my unhappiness and weariness.  I know in my head that every promise IS enough. Last night I taught that very thing to a group of women. And here I sit, the worst example of living out the very truth that I teach.  But hoping that tomorrow will be better.
That’s all I’ve got today. I can only admit honestly that I am not always good at coping with the daily battles that God has given me to deal with.  This week is proof of that.
*Keith Getty and Stuart Townend; © 2003 Thankyou Music (adm. worldwide at EMICMGPublishing.com excl. UK & Europe, adm. by Kingswaysongs, a division of David C Cook tym@kingsway.co.uk)
Advertisements

One response to “Transparent

  1. Colleen says:

    Oh, I think it’s good for us to sometimes just give in and wallow for a bit. Then it’s done and we’re ready to go forward again. I KNOW that I’m planning on feeling much better once/when/if the snow melts.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: