Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

What brings me down

on May 14, 2014

Diabetes Blog Week

It is annual DBlogWeek and I really do enjoy taking part in this new tradition.  I can’t post everyday – yesterday was Poetry day and I am hopeless when it comes to poetry, so I am getting my start today on an easier topic.

Easy in a way, anyway. It’s a little tough to narrow down the one thing that most brings me down about diabetes. But when I reflect on what causes the most passionate (not in a good way) responses in me, it becomes clear that being high brings me down the most.  And by being high, I mean blood glucose levels, not some weird drug induced fantasy.  There is a slogan available on everything from Tshirts to mugs from a website that says “I shoot up to avoid getting high” and part of me wants to wear something everyday that says that. I really do hate going high, even more than being low.  It’s a bit irrational, since going low poses far more danger to me than highs, since my highs are never in the zone of being close to producing any kind of medical emergency, while some lows carry me way too close to danger for my own good.

So why do highs bug me so much? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, since I had a couple of weeks of day after day of sticky highs.  I think it is because highs do not respond quickly to intervention. Or at least, not as quickly as I would like. I can hear my much loved CDE in my head chanting “Be patient. Be patient.” even now.  I’m NOT patient. About much of anything, much less a high BG that is making my head feel muddled and my body sluggish and exhausted. It is the feeling of complete loss of control that is so frustrating. And there you have it.  The source of the battle between me and T1D.  Control.  I want it, and I don’t have it.

The good news is that I am at least identifying why certain diabetes triggers cause huge emotional swings in me. Isn’t that the way we have to start to take hold of our emotions?    This is getting ahead of myself though, since tomorrow’s topic for DBlogWeek is how we deal with these emotions…….See you tomorrow!

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