Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

Digging out

on May 15, 2014

Diabetes Blog Week

Yesterday I wrote about the fact that high blood sugars are really a downer for me.  I was of course presented with the opportunity to practice climbing out of the hole that sticky highs put me yesterday afternoon. For no apparent reason, my bg decided to go up to about 250 and stick there for about 3 hours before rocketing down to an in-range number by dinnertime.  I tried very hard to practice what I knew I was going to write about today, just so I would not be a total hypocrite.

My first approach to dealing with a sticky high is to distract myself. This isn’t all that easy, since if the high has been around for any length of time, my brain is pretty foggy. But I find working with my hands, and especially knitting, helps take my mind off of my frustration.  I was thinking about this while swimming this morning. (I do some of my best thinking in the pool.)  Diabetes is all about numbers – what is my blood glucose level? How much insulin do I need to dose for what I eat? How many carbs in that meal? How many units of insulin left in my pump?  How much insulin do I have on board? A1C? Are my I:C ratios right? It seems endless sometimes.  Knitting is a lot about numbers too, at least the kind of knitting I find most satisfying.  I was recently introduced to a magical approach to knitting socks in this book  by a super ninja knitter (that’s you Sasha!)  at my favorite source of yarn and challenging knitting classes. This book is teaching me to do the most wonderful math to make socks that fit perfectly.  When I knit, I can control the numbers.  It’s as simple as that.  I don’t even mind ripping out knitting in order to start over and make it better. I have restarted the current sock I’m working on 3 times and now I know it will fit MY foot perfectly.  It’s the process that is satisfying as much as the product.  I’m not sure I can say that about diabetes.  The process is not as predictable as knitting.  I can dose and re-dose during a high and not see the desired effect for HOURS.  When I rip out something I have knit and start over, correcting the math, it works.  SO satisfying.

So that is step one. The other great thing about knitting is that most of the time, my mind is free to wander while I knit.  Thanks to a wonderful time of talking through the beginning of the book of James recently with a friend, I am working hard on how I deal with trials like a sticky high.  Rather than focus on ‘why me?’, we are working to change our thinking to “God is…..” and filling in the blank with the character or promises of God that fit the situation.  For me, getting my eyes off of myself is very hard. I want to wallow in my misery more than I want God to minister to me and restore my trust in Him.  As I write that statement and then read it, it sounds utterly ridiculous!  Why would I want to wallow in self-pity when the riches of God and the gospel are waiting to be embraced?  Well, because I’m human for one thing.

So I knit and pray. And read other blogs in the DOC that remind me that I am not alone.  And pray some more.

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