Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

Lifeline

I continue to ponder the teaching from #TGCW14, even though my days are busy with other things.  The truths planted there are not fleeting. They haunt me, challenging me to live differently.  Today I want to explore what that means in terms of how I handle diabetes, because I think I am managing the emotions that boil up because of diabetes better these days. It’s a wonderful feeling, not to be so volatile and dependent on how my blood sugar is doing hour by hour.

I think it all started at the focus group with Kathleen Nielson on the Friday night of the conference. It was very late (for me anyway) and I was admittedly tired and not sure I was happy I had signed up for the group, but went because I was so eager to meet Kathleen and to talk with her in a smaller group. She was the speaker from #TGCW12 that so inspired me to study more deeply and teach better.  Anyway, we spent most of the time introducing ourselves, which was a bit disappointing to me, since it gave Kathleen less time to talk, but as it turns out, God has used those introductions in a pretty strong way in my life.  As I finished introducing myself, Sarah said “And you blog!” so I talked about this blog (several of the other women also have blogs, which was what prompted Sarah to say that).  One of the other women said that I should meet Wendy Alsup, also a T1D and blogger and an author.  Turns out, I had bought her book, Practical Theology for Women, earlier that day in the bookstore!  This is one of the first books I have read since being home from the conference, and right off the bat, she hit me squarely between the eyes.

“Faith in Christ is a very practical piece of theology. To say we have faith in him while living a life characterized by anxiety and worry is to deny him by our actions, if not our words.”

OK. Ouch.  I realized I have not been trusting God with my diabetes. I have been holding on to it, wanting to control it on my own, wallowing in the difficulty of managing this disease rather than really relying on the strength that is mine in Him.  That conviction has turned me around.  I’m not any better at managing my diabetes, though, man oh man, I wish I were.  But I am better at dealing with the ups and downs that it brings to everyday life.  My emotions are not on such a roller coaster, because I have a much stronger sense of God’s presence and that He didn’t give this burden to me without purpose.  I’m not fighting it anymore, I guess that’s the bottom line.  That might sound simple, but believe me, it isn’t.  I really do believe that God does not give us anything that He will not equip us to handle.  I have just been resisting His help, wanting to do this MYSELF, thank you very much.

There are still days when I am stupid, diabetes-wise.  Yesterday was a clear example. Forgot to take insulin with lunch, so that started the steady rise in BG. Then my pump ran low, because I forgot I needed to refill it in the early afternoon. Then I left my CGM at home when I went somewhere for an hour or so, so I couldn’t keep track of the continuing rise in my BG.  It took many hours and several doses of insulin to finally bring it down (in the middle of the night, naturally) to normal range.  But guess what? It wasn’t anything I could not handle.  Through it all, there was a peace I have never felt.  Christ truly is sufficient for all I need.  What a blessed truth.  And a lifeline.

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