Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

Day by day by day by day by……..

I have entered a new phase of living with LADA, or T1D or whatever you want to call my particular form of diabetes.  It’s the day to day slogging it out with a chronic disease.  Now that the distraction and complication of chronic knee pain is no longer messing with my blood sugar, and my work schedule is a bit easier to deal with, and family stuff is going great, I am left with the day by day attempt to be my own pancreas.

I was struck once again with the monotony and difficulty of this when someone asked me if I had “gotten my blood sugars under control yet?”.  I really, really hate that question.  How can I explain to someone that I will never get my blood sugar completely under control without sounding pathetic or stupid or somehow just not up to dealing properly with my diabetes? Once again I found myself fumbling around for an answer, that came out something like, well, yes, things are going better these days but I still have unexpected highs and lows that I will never be able to predict and almost everything I do affects my blood sugar differently than I think it will and no one with type 1 diabetes will be able to control their blood sugar as well as someone with a functioning pancreas. And yes, what I said was that rambling and long and lacking in confidence.

That question really does mess with my confidence.  Am I the only diabetic who can’t get their blood sugar under control? Could I be doing a better job at this?  If I just ate more cinnamon or less gluten, would my blood sugar be more predictable?  What am I doing wrong anyway?

Most of the time I feel pretty good about how I handle diabetes.  My pump, my CGM, the amount of time I exercise, my diet (well, maybe not right now….), these things help me to manage diabetes so that it does not interfere very often with how I live my life.  But that does not mean that it will always be that way. Diabetes is not going to go away.  Which means that everyday for the rest of my life, I will be in charge of my blood sugar.  Some days, that thought is overwhelming and throws me into a funk.  Some days, the questions people ask cause me to doubt that I am any good at managing this chronic disease and why don’t I just get my act together.

But on good days, I can just say “one day at a time”. Or maybe “one hour at a time”.  I can look at my CGM for that day and see that I have managed blood sugar well for at least part of that day and take encouragement from that.  Slog on, fellow T1Ds.  And slog on, Colleen, whether or not other people understand what that means.

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