There are only 3 weeks left of this sabbatical.
I went for a walk in the snow this afternoon (only an inch or two, so no big feat…). The quiet was amazing. Even the birds seemed silenced by the peace of the countryside today, as if the snow had transformed the world into a sanctuary of calm. Yet I was not alone. I saw and heard the rustle of birds as they escaped bushes and trees as I passed. I interrupted 4 young deer grazing in the near pasture and watched as they leaped across the field, flagging me with their bright white tails and then disappearing into the brush. I saw the paw prints of rabbits across the path down to the bottom field.
But the peace. Oh, the peace. My mind was at rest, except for one thought that kept nagging at me. “I don’t want to go home. I don’t want this to end.” It was a shocking thought. I have to go home. We have jobs, friends, obligations. I can’t stay here. And I thought I didn’t want to, until today.
Am I trying to avoid or escape responsibilities? What is it that is holding on to me? And how can I bring that into life at home? This peace feels so elusive, so tied to a place. Can I bring the peace I feel out here into my life at home?
I am different than I was when we arrived six months ago. I don’t want to go back to the old me. God has worked in me. In some ways I feel stronger, but mostly I feel my inadequacy and weakness to accomplish what He seems to have for me to do. That’s ok though, really. It just means I need to learn to rely on Him to do the work in me that needs doing. After all, Philippians 1:6 is still true.