Life in LADA land

Living Philippians 1:6 with type 1.5 diabetes

Throwdown

Lately I feel like diabetes is trying its hardest to defeat me. I know that is personifying the disease in a very unrealistic way, but that’s how it feels.

A couple of Sundays ago I had the worst day I have had in months. Maybe even since LADA hit me. I went high overnight, into the upper 200s, probably due to a bad infusion site that I changed first thing the next morning. The thing is, in the middle of the night, when I am awakened repeatedly by my CGM to warn me that I am high, all I can think to do is punch buttons to send insulin to the rescue. Getting to the root of the problem is not on my mind in the dark, sleepy times.  So I dose and re-dose and nothing changes until I get up in the light of morning and assess what really happened.

So I changed the site, refilled my pump for good measure and everything magically turned around. Said no diabetic, ever. No, that kind of hours-long high takes hours to resolve in the best of times. But off to church I went, innocently deluded that I would enjoy a morning of learning and worship. Sitting in Sunday School, I started feeling pretty nauseous and my head felt like lead. I checked my blood glucose. 372 and still headed up, according to my trusty CGM. That was unsettling. As soon as I stood up to head for the bathroom, I realized I was not going to make it through the rest of the morning. I returned to class and told my husband I was going to have to go home. And that he was going to have to drive me.

So home we went. I slept for a while, ate some lunch, slept some more and watched my BG plunge downward, unsettling me even more. All my plans for a productive but relaxed afternoon went down the drain. I was ok for the evening of choir school, though my blood sugar was up and down all day, from very low to very high and back again.

I found that even the next day I was still pretty wiped out – tired and listless. I just can’t shake a day of roller coaster blood sugars off very fast. And here I am again, the next weekend, dealing with a very similar kind of roller coaster day that happened yesterday, though for different reasons. I am recovering today, but slowly, with a headache, low energy and just feeling pretty grumpy.

Here’s the good news in all of this: my emotions have not followed the roller coaster of my blood glucose. And if you know my struggles with all of this, you will know that this is a very good thing, and that it is a huge victory. I know this is a work of God in me, because I know that I do not have it in me to tame that emotional beast. I do so appreciate all who are praying for me, because I know that is part of the reason why this sense of peace is growing in me. God’s sovereignty extends to all parts of my life and all parts of my body, including my pooped out pancreas. And while He is not choosing to fix the pancreas, He is growing my reliance on Him and my ability to rest in His good choices for me. For this I am most thankful.

So, diabetes, take your best shot. I may falter, and I will stumble. But I know who wins this throwdown. And it isn’t LADA.

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Landmines!

Chinese food (with General Tso’s chicken taking special mention).

Pizza.

Chipotle spice wings from an un-named wings restaurant.

Barbeque sauce.

Sweet tea (given to me by mistake at a fast food restaurant, and from which I took a big swig before realizing what it was).

Chai Latte (even the sugar free kind).

White rice.

Potato chips.
These are the landmines of diabetes. At least the ones I have identified so far.  I’m sure there are more that other diabetics can add to this list (and feel free to do so in the comments!).  These are foods that have caught me unawares – with  huge increases in blood sugar that I didn’t expect.  The sweet tea might actually not fit, since I realized immediately that it was a mistake – but I have heard of other diabetics who were given regular soft drinks instead of diet and they didn’t realize it until their blood glucose meter reported it to them.  The biggest surprise in this list is also the most recent – the wings. I have had buffalo wings frequently in the past year or so with no problem – in fact, they have become a favorite of mine since they basically have zero carbs and are really yummy.  So I had no idea the chipotle wings wouldn’t be the same. There must be a strong dose of sugar in the rub that they use. They were certainly delicious – which explains why I ate so darn many of them the first time.  And then spent basically the whole night with my blood glucose above 300.  Not fun.  So of course I ate some of the leftovers a couple of days later, not realizing it had been those wings the first time – and I finally got the message. (A saying comes to mind…..”Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me” or something like that.) So now the rest of the leftovers sit in my refrigerator, mocking me for my gullibility.

Dealing with these landmines means that I need patience (it takes a really long time for blood sugar to get back down to normal after these landmines explode), will power (it takes a lot of will power not to indulge in some of these things), and perseverance.  And vigilance to avoid the other landmines that I’m sure are out there…….  These are not things I have in abundance.  Doesn’t God have a wonderful sense of humor?

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A Non-diabetes post

I read a blog post by one of my favorite D-bloggers this week (www.sixuntilme.com) and  she had been challenged to write a post that has nothing to do with diabetes, which she did.  OK, challenge accepted.

Life is good right now.  I thought I would be really mourning and missing my daughter who has moved to Miami (the one in Florida, not the one just up the road from us in Oxford, OH), but while I certainly miss her, I am so happy for the job and the church and the life she has found for herself there that it is much easier to deal with her absence than I expected it to be.  I love my job and the people I work with in the office and the families and children I get to be with and try to encourage and support.  My son is having a terrific senior year and we are enjoying all of his accomplishments and the young man that he is.  I am trying to suck the last bit of life from all of things that he does that we get to share in this last year of high school.

I have good friends that I make it a priority to spend time with.  I am learning that these friendships are important to nurture or they will shrivel up due to lack of attention. I find myself looking ahead to next year, when a number of activities will drop off of my calendar because they are things we do with Jeffrey and associated with his activities at school and in the community. I used to think I would be really sad about that, and while I will miss some of those things, I am eager to see what God has for me in the future. It’s fun to think about trying some things I haven’t had time for.

I am thoroughly enjoying getting to really study the Scriptures this year with a new freshness that is exciting and challenging.  I suppose this is tied to the Biblical Counseling training that a bunch of us from church have been doing, but whatever the cause it is energizing.  I can’t wait to see where it leads.  I am also reading other good books and finding a new pleasure in reading.  I have taken time to journal and chew on some books, especially those relating to my, uh, health issue (since I can’t mention the D-word), and that has proven to be helpful and encouraging.

I find myself much more inclined to want to spend time finding out how people are really doing – not just chit-chat, but really find out if they are content, or restless, or struggling, or happy. That is showing up in my ministry life, and has affected one of my goals for my job this year. It is also showing up just in general and I hope will help make me a more sympathetic, compassionate listener.

I can honestly say I love my life.  I know it is a gift from God and for that I am grateful. I also know that it won’t always be roses and butterflies. There are some tough things, for sure. My Mom’s health is not stable.  My Dad’s memory is definitely not stable.  My own struggles with, uh, the D-thing, make my life somewhat unpredictable. But for now, I am in a very good place.  Thanks be to God for His grace and favor!

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